BLOG OF POOTENHEIMER... Fear it, Love it
Time to blog
I am DONE with tests. I had my test today. How'd it go, you ask? Well, I didn't completely nail every question (since I didn't start studying until about two hours before the test), but I got at least partial credit on everything. So not too bad. Although I'm mad about one, that I was really close to getting perfect, and realized only after I left what the right answer was. Oh well, it's done. Now I have to do the Java project. Pssh, Java. Oh well, won't be TOO bad, I think.

I figured out today why I like the Swan so much. It's not the changes in the women, anything like that. It's seeing them so vulnerable, entrusting themselves completely in other people's hands, and then watching their reaction as they finally see what that trust did to them. I can't imagine what that would be like. Knowing you're different, but only able to see it for yourself months later. And seeing something completely changed. And so far, it's been, in their eyes, for the better. MUCH better, judging from their reactions. In some cases, different enough that they don't even recognize themselves. I guess it's the concept of looking at somebody else, somebody better looking than you, and then coming to grips with the fact that that person is actually you. It's a pretty big thing to handle, and their reactions often reflect that. Which is something I get a kick out of.

Now that all my major work stuff is coming to a close, I'm thinking about getting back into the recording of music. And considering actually adding lyrics, this time. If I can at least get started on a couple of songs with lyrics, I know it'll only get easier from that point on. And then I can actually make a demo disc, which might be cool stuff. I'm just not sure what to write about yet. If you have any ideas, let me know. If it works out, I might even have to give you credit for it, if it's a good/unique enough idea.

Kung fu! Tonight I went into the first night of training. I pushed myself a little more than normal. You know, standard warmup stuff with 70 crunches, 50 pushups, that type of thing. And then moving on to continuous form practice, including sparring sets with other students. One of the students did his Phase 1 test tonight, which I helped him with. Although I think I left some bruises on him... I don't think he's been conditioning lately. And I know I left bruises on one of the other newer students, through full conditioning. But it's part of training! Crazy training. I'll have to do my own private training tomorrow, since I have conflicts with class. Doh. It's okay! I'll be a machine! I'll be extra muscley by the end of the week.

I worked more on the algorithm. Got a successful compilation of a GNU big number function set (on Cygwin), but I realized that my algorithm's requirements are specific enough that it's not actually going to work, as it's built now. So either I have to write my own, modify the GNU version, or modify my algorithm to use the GNU version. Decisions, decisions. I just want to get it working with the faster math to see just HOW much faster it can get. I think it'll be faster by an exponential level of increase. Which would be very, very good. And would bring larger numbers within reach. Must... wait... until next week. Patience is a virtue! This particular virtue is sort of being shoved in my [again, your choice of orifice], since I'd be fine NOT being patient. But I really have no choice this time.

So work starts tomorrow. The part-time thing. Temporarily converted into full/overtime. Which means I'll have money to pay a few more bills, but I still need the big Master's degree influenced employment. Still looking. Full application will start soon. Not this week, though. I do hope I can finish the work project soon, possibly before the end of the week. That would be SWEET. We'll see.

I feel released. Released from school! It's almost over. It makes my head feel almost like it's ready to expand. Expand with KNOWLEDGE. Since I learn more readily by my own volition. For some reason I'm very rebellious when it comes to authority telling me how I should do things. Which my professors haven't been too happy about, I'm sure. The irony of me teaching myself graduate-level mathematics AFTER leaving school is rather twisted. Oh well. Maybe the acceleration of my knowledge advancements is only beginning.

Time for a philosophical exploration. The Philosophy Corner! Why is it that people need people? How is it that we both are our own best avenues for bliss and for emotional downfall? There must be some connection beyond what is known to the average human. I think the intracies of human interaction are complex enough that most of it is on a different level than what we are usually aware of. Even something as simple as a look can carry volumes of meaning. I won't pretend to know a lot about these insane homo sapiens and their often subconscious treasuring of comfortable levels of emotion, but I can sit back and observe with mute interest.

Maybe I should write a song about THAT. It could be mysterious, with sentences that don't always make full sense. "Flutter swiftly... bring the pain." Mmm, yes. That could be the CHORUS. Maybe follow it up with some screaming. With distortion. Or maybe that's a little too NIN. Eh, we'll see.

And my blog today is long enough! That, and I've been writing on it for too long, too. So it's time for random linking. Ooh, and I've got a GOOD one, today! You'll thank me for this one.
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as of 10/23/03

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