BLOG OF POOTENHEIMER... Fear it, Love it
Some Things Matter More Than Others
It's been a pretty long week. Some nice recover time with the three day weekend. I got to catch up on my sleep, which I needed a lot. And in my recovered state, I've had time to think. So this is my introspective dump, as my blog is sort of a public journal.

What have I learned? Well, I've been thinking about people in my life, quite a bit. Most of my best friends have moved away, and I rarely talk to them anymore. I had my three day weekend, and I realized it'd be a good time to hang out with friends. Unfortunately, it also made me realize the fact that I don't really have any. No really good friends, that is. I have a ton of acquaintances, I have some friends that I hang out with on occasion, but I don't have any friends that I can just call up to come over on a whim's notice, someone that I feel comfortable enough talking to that I can spill my soul's burden upon. If you have a friend like that, consider yourself blessed.

At the beginning of the year I thought about what types of things bothered me, the things that stressed me out. One of those things was money. Paying off the student loans, making sure I had enough to cover the bills. Especially when I was freshly graduated, looking for work that matched my skill level. So I set a goal to relinquish myself of that worry. By becoming independently wealthy. I told a few people about it, even asked some people if they'd be interested in learning how to get there with me, after I had started. Most people didn't take me seriously, or weren't interested. So it set me on my path by myself. Which I'm still walking down, making progress. It looks like I'll reach the goal I set, before I turn 30. I still have every intention of making it, and working my butt off to get there. Not having to worry about money is nice.

So yes - having money is nice, but the things in life that are actually worth something? It's the people in your life. Having someone you care about, who cares about you. That's worth more than anything else. People need each other to survive. You can be the strongest man on earth, the most independent being, but if you don't have other people in your life, you're not a full human being. Something crucial is missing. And that's how I'm feeling right about now. I've been put through a combination of experiences in my life that have made me become very independent, rather strong-willed. It makes me worry, though. I feel like it sets me apart from connecting to other people because of it.

I've had a number of people lately that I thought I was friends with, that sort of fell out of my life. In some cases, they just stopped talking to me. Had their own things to deal with, maybe better friends that were more worth their time. I actually believe in karma - what you give you you'll get back, in time. Perhaps everything that's been happening lately is for a reason, but whatever reason it is, it sucks. I wish I could count the number of people who've gone away like this on one hand, but it's more than that. I wish I knew why, but I don't. It's not for lack of trying, either. And anyone that knows me knows I'm not a jerk (on a regular basis, at the very least). I'd imagine that anyone who just drops away from a person for no rational reason is not a real friend, anyway, so maybe I'm all the better for it.

I do find myself in leadership roles in many aspects of my life. I think that does have something to do with it - when you're a leader, the rest of the group bonds, but the leader often stands alone. You can see this easily in military examples, or in the classroom. Perhaps I just need to follow more. I'm just trying to figure out exactly how things work, why things are they way they are. It's the obsessive analytical, logical nature I have. Maybe it's something that can't be figured out. Maybe it just is.

Something fun that added to my feeling of being pushed out was the cop that showed up at my door last night. I like to use the guitar as an emotional release, and while pushing the limits of sound with the latest guitar/amp combo I have, seems that I got a little TOO loud. So one of the neighbors called the cops on me. They didn't come up and ask me directly to quiet down a little, but just called the cops. By the time he came, I had stopped for almost an hour, so it was a moot point. He was nice about it, seemed like he wasn't particularly happy about checking it out. I did it on a Saturday night, before 9, so I figured it'd be the best time to get loud, if I was ever going to. Looks like I'll have to keep the volume on my amp below the halfway point from now on.

Regardless of my more somber tone today, I'm still an optimist. And I will say that I DO have some friends, and I enjoy spending time with them when I can. The one thing missing that I can honestly say I wish I had is a best friend, someone I trust implicitly, someone I know won't back out on me. Maybe I just need to wait until I get married for that one. Until then, it's being Mr. Independent, working on all my goals, enjoying the simple pleasures in life. Perhaps I'll just stumble across some new friends, and it'll hit me without me even realizing it.

Speaking of simple pleasures - I did go by the Honda dealership yesterday. I didn't stay for very long, because they were closing. Imagine being nice to the car salesman because you don't want to take up his time. It's an odd feeling. But yeah, I went in and checked out a 2006 model, a black S2000 on the floor. It was BEAUTIFUL. I sat in it for the first time, and I have to say I'm already in love, and I haven't even driven one yet. It really does feel less like something you get IN, and more like something you put ON. It's like you're wearing it. They're continuing into 2007, so it's not being discontinued, which is good. I'll probably start shopping right around my birthday. If you know when that is, then know that I'll probably be driving one sometime during the thirty days that follow. Woo!

As far as my work week went, this week I had orientation in Virginia. I got to also see my sister and her roommate, an old friend of mine. We hung out a bit, it was good to see her place and how she's living her life. I also go to see some friends of the family, and see an old friend of mine (one of the best friends that moved away). We talked for a while, got to vent about our personal frustrations. It was good.

The orientation itself was okay. Nothing overly exciting. We did get laptops, which was sweet - it's my first real laptop! It's a work machine, but they pretty much belong to us, so we can use them for whatever we want. The orientation leader just said nothing illegal, and nothing nasty. I guess I'll have to stay away from news pages. They're nastier than nice, especially with all the crazy weather lately on the east coast.

So yeah, orientation, then the last two days of the week were for work days. It wore me out, not stopping at all. I think I'll like working there, though. The people are cool, and the work might have a learning curve, but I think I might actually enjoy it. I've already run into several people downtown I know. It keeps reminding me how small a place the world really is.

Okay - even though this has been a more journal-style blog entry, there's still plenty of room for random linking. I've shared some of my life experience and learning with you today. But there are other people you may be able to learn from.

Rest assured that if I were living near you, you'd see me weekly. Miss hanging out with you!

you'll always have friends in DC :)

~Marni (not your sister)
I'm sorry things are going this way for you. I wish you felt that you could talk to me about these things, cause as much as I'm you're "little sister", I'd love to be your friend as well. I miss you tons, and I really wish we'd talk more often. Can't wait for you to come back out to visit.

Maybe you should just move out here, and become a billionaire! :)

Love you and miss you.
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as of 10/23/03

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